Defining Success in Your Roles

Before you can change anything about your life, you have to change your thinking. This lesson is aimed at helping us get started on changing the way we think about our life by clarifying what is most important to us. In clarifying what is most important, you’ll also identify your own way to measure success in your role as a homemaker. Knowing what success looks like for you as a homemaker will help you find fulfillment in a career that doesn’t have grades, raises, promotions, or other common workplace accolades. You will be able to recognize and achieve your own success, even (and especially) on those tough days on the job.

The following assignment may take a while to complete. Possibly, it may take as long as a week.

Assignment: Read and do what is recommended in this blog post. I recommend writing in your BOPO. As you read and follow what is recommended, please keep the following in mind:

When you write your roles, consider including “individual” and “homemaker” in your list.

When you write your purpose in each role, write in terms of what you can control. You can always control your own actions and attitudes. You can't control others’ actions and attitudes, but you can influence others with your behavior. 

For example, when I first did this activity a few years ago, in my role as wife, I wrote purposes such as “I will make Jared feel loved and happy.” News flash! I can never be successful in that purpose. I can't make Jared happy. Happiness is Jared's choice. Even though we may say things like “that makes me happy,” in reality, I can never make anyone feel or do anything (maybe with the exception of physical I pain through to brute force, but that's not where I'm going with this). I can influence though. So my revised purpose statement said things like “I look for ways to lighten Jared's load. I express my love for him in words and actions.” 

Notice the difference in these statements. The first statements focused on outcomes that, while they may be within my influence, are actually outside my control, and I cannot fairly measure success by standards outside my control. The second, by contrast, stated things that I can do, no matter what Jared’s choices or responses may be. It is much more empowering to state my purpose in terms that are within my control.

It's also empowering to phrase these objectives in active voice and present tense rather than passive voice or in the future tense. Instead of “my husband will be happy because of XYZ thing I do,” say “I promote my husband's happiness by doing XYZ.” This slight adjustment in phrasing will make a positive difference in how you think about your key roles, and how successful you feel in these roles. 

Once you have your roles and goals defined, you will know what success looks like for you. You may not get your chores all done; you may burn dinner; but if you’re filling your roles and meeting your goals in the ways that you have identified, you’re succeeding in what really matters to you. 

So, grab your BOPO and get started here!